Damaged
by the-mpreg-spirit
Summary: It was a time that should have been celebration. They should have been drinking to their freedom, to a new start, to a better life. But war leaves unrepairable damage to those caught in the centre of it. Harry is suffering. And he's not the only one...


**Damaged**

* * *

"It's open."

The door was unlocked as Sirius pushed on it. Harry was on his already made bed, lying upon the white covers reading a book. Sirius carried in the breakfast tray and he looked up at him and smiled before putting the book down.

"Good morning Sirius."

"Morning Harry. You're chirpy today." He smiled and nodded, putting his book down. He turned onto his side. A pale thigh was exposed from the small white bathrobe. He watched him, eyes shimmering. He smiled.

"Couldn't sleep. So I cleaned my room this morning."

"You did a good job." Sirius set down the tray and sat on the bed, looking at him. Harry's one leg touched him. He ran a hand across it and leaned down, kissing it. His eyes drifted. St Mungo's had done a good job, as best they could. If it wasn't common knowledge, you wouldn't have even guess there used to be two of those perfect legs. Harry smiled and turned onto his back again. "I'm going shopping today. Do you want anything?"

"No I'm okay thanks. Wish you didn't have to leave though." He frowned as Sirius kissed his inner thigh. "It's so lonely and quiet..."

"I know." He sat up. Harry watched him. "I'll try be quick."

Harry smiled again and Sirius kissed his lips. He kissed back, pulling him down over him. Sirius wouldn't have minded staying that way, but forced himself away. He touched Harry's cheek once before standing.

He was near the door.

"Sirius?" He turned back. Harry had propped himself up on his hands. "The password is Gobstone."

* * *

There was a thump upstairs. 

Sirius frowned and put the newly acquired grocery bags on the table. He moved away from the table and remained staring at the ceiling, completely still.

Another thump, accompanied this time by a bang.

He sighed and turned back to the bag, pulling out a little bottle of purple potion. He went into the cupboard and got another, putting this one into a different kind of phial before putting it back carefully very high up in the cupboard, too high for Harry to reach. He hated this one and would destroy it given the first chance. Sirius hated it too, but it remained, in these days when they should have been celebrating, his only chance at peace was in the syringe that was now in his pocket safely.

He careful made his way up the stairs. By now the banging was accompanied by shouts. Angry shouts. Angry scared shouts. Harry's angry scared confused shouts.

Sirius repressed the mix of feelings he got in his chest, as he did more and more often as this happened. He'd agreed to this. Not only to Hermione, who had tearfully given Harry over to him when her and Ron could do no more for him and their marriage. Last he'd heard she was in the South of France, working for the church now. Ron could more often be seen in the Hog's head with Aberforth. But also to Lily and James.

He knocked on Harry's door carefully. It was drowned by the noises, but stopped immediately.

"Who's there?" It was quick, sharp, right up against the door.

"It's me. Sirius."

"Password?"

"Gobstone."

"No. Go away."

"You told me that password this morning before I went shopping!"

"It's changed." He sounded more frantic. "Go away!"

"Harry. Please don't do this today. Just let me in and I'll make it better."

"I said no Tom! Leave me alone!" He shouted. Another crash that seemed to shake the door and a scream. Sirius tugged at the handle fruitlessly as Harry started to sob. He backed up and ran, shoulder first, through the recently replaced door. He had tried not putting a lock on, but Harry had cried for days, screaming that Voldemort was coming for him.

The dust cleared. Harry was on the floor against the bed sobbing. There was blood on his bathrobe. He saw Sirius was hurriedly stood, shaky on his one leg. He nearly fell, but pulled back when Sirius tried to catch him.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" Blood was on his hands. His eyes were trained on Sirius, wild and paranoid. He held a piece of glass from the shattered mirror to his neck. "I'll do it."

"Harry don't. Please calm down. Put it down."

"You think I won't?"

"I didn't say that."

"You want me to?" Sirius tried not to scream in frustration. "I'll slit my throat right here rather than left them finish me off."

"They're gone Harry. No one's here. Look I brought a gift." He pulled out the purple potion. "It's a protection potion." Harry watched it.

"Give it to me."

"First put the glass down." Harry waited, then dropped the glass as he lunged for the potion. Sirius managed to grab him as he struggled, pulling him down the floor in his arms. He opened the calming potion and downed it one shot. His chest was heaving as he struggled weakly against Sirius' stronger arms.

"You tricked me."

"I'm sorry Harry."

"Just don't get the..." His eyes widened as Sirius drew out the syringe. "I'm sorry Sirius! Please don't! Please don't! I'll be good! Please!" He pleaded. Sirius knew the weak calming potion would wear off soon enough.

"I'm sorry Harry. I have to." He struggled as best he could, which was not much. Still Sirius injected the sedative into his thigh.

He was shaking more from his fearful sobs. He wouldn't be able to move. What if they came back? What if he couldn't save Sirius? What would he do if he died like Remus and his parents and Dumbledore and Hermione? His sobs got more frantic

_Oh Hermione_. _**She'd died because he'd been unable to save her. He'd seen them gut her and he couldn't move. And Draco. Draco was going to marry him. But he wasn't. He had tried to and had been left outside to be eaten alive by werewolves. And Ron...**_

_Oh god no. Please not Ron. Not Sirius too..._

"Sirius. You're bleeding."

Drowsiness started to take over. He looked at Sirius, trying to stay awake. Sirius wiped away the blood from the cut on his cheek.

_**It was gushing out of his face, all over both of them. He was going to bleed to death. Tom was going to let him die. It was overtaking him. Sirius' blood had turned his robe red. He was paleing fast . His eyes rolled back.**_

"Sirius..." By now Harry was slurring. He was fighting it, crying hard. "Sirius please wake up. Please don't die. I love you. I need you. Please." His eyes had closed by now but he was awake, mumbling and sobbing. Sirius stroked his cheek.

"I'm right here Harry. Don't worry. I'm not leaving."

_**The room was empty. He was alone. Tom had left with Sirius' body. He'd tried to hang on. It was dark. **_

_**Nonononono...**_

_**They were all gone. It was his fault. He was alone. They weren't coming back. Harry started to cry.**_

* * *

Sirius sighed as Harry finally passed out. They'd survived another week. He would keep doing this for Harry's sake. He wouldn't leave him like everyone else. There was no one else left. They'd gone, failed him. Damaged him more than his broken mind already had to deal with. 

He didn't know how long he could last. His youth was slipping as was his mind. Three years. Three years. Three years was two years longer than Hermione. And six months longer than Draco. And two and three quarter years more than Remus.

He let his head fall forward against his Godson's shoulder.

* * *

_1:54pm  
__06-01-08__  
__T.m Spirit_


End file.
